Girls, let’s masturbate! That’s right. This page is fully devoted to you, your body, and the search for that amazing feeling called orgasm. But let’s not rush into it. There’s a whole lot of ground to cover. Whether it’s fingering, using toys, rubbing or penetrating, we’re going to do it all, slowly, and it’s going to feel amazing. Here’s all you’ve ever needed to know about masturbation.
Want to read the guy version of this post? Here it is!
Everybody is different, and every body is different. There’s no right or wrong way to do this (well, there are a few wrong ways, but we’ll get to those). This is about YOU, about what YOU feel, what YOU like, and what YOU want. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to touch yourself. Just use this guide for inspiration, for ideas, for answering questions you may be asking yourself, but keep in mind that if YOU like it, it’s all good.
What is an orgasm?
Let’s start at the end, shall we? Either God or evolution (pick either one) has created our bodies. Whichever it is, it has, thankfully!, given us similar sensitive body parts to what they gave to guys. In fact, they’ve given us a lot more! Whereas the male orgasm has a clear evolutionary goal (putting babies in our bellies) ours is a bit more… questionable. Maybe we just developed one because it makes us put up with a guy humping us all over the place. Maybe we’ve been given one because someone up there thought we were bored. It doesn’t really matter. The facts are: most girls can have orgasms, too. And that’s great!
Whereas orgasms aren’t the most important part of sex, they are in the end what it boils down to. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll still be able to have amazing sex without reaching one, both with someone else as well as on your own, but take it from a person who’s had quite a few in her life: they feel absolutely amazing, and you should always try to have one when you get the chance.
According to Merriam-Webster, an orgasm is “the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female”. In other words: it’s like the explosion of happy feelings at the end of sex. Those “vaginal contractions” are key to the story, as they’ll be the things giving you those tingly sensations.
Orgasms come in all shapes and sizes. Some are loud, some are quiet, some are messy, some are clean, some are intense and some are just a bit meh. I, for one, have had all of the above, so it’s not even tied to one individual. The thing about orgasms is: when you’ve had one, you usually know you’ve had one. If you’re unsure, you may just have that thrill of your first time lying ahead of you.
Sexual arousal
You can’t just have an orgasm out of the blue (well, some boys can ;p), the tension has to be built up. To make sure this happens every now and again, your entire body is covered in sensitive spots. Obviously, there’s the area around your vagina, but there’s also the nipples, the inner thighs, the anus, the armpits, the earlobes, the neck, the cheeks, the feet, the toes… basically, every part of your body is screaming: please, touch me, I want to be aroused!
Touching them yourself can help, but know that it doesn’t usually do the trick. Take me, for instance. I can go absolutely crazy when someone breathes onto my ear during a kiss, but when I touch myself there, not much happens. I can tickle my feet all day without feeling anything funny, but when someone else does it, I feel it through my entire body. But then again, when I touch my boobs or run my fingers through my panties, I really do get aroused. Whatever works for you, doesn’t have to work for someone else, but it’s worth trying everything out.
When you get aroused, some things start to change. Sensitivity in some or all of your erogene zones (the tickly bits I mentioned earlier) increases. Your nipples may harden, your clitoris may swell, your labia may spread and you may get wet. Again, the intensity may vary a lot, but try long and hard enough, and you should eventually start experiencing some of these features. Features, yup, because they’re all there to help you reach that mythical orgasm.
Once you’re wet, your body is officially telling you it’s ready for sex. That doesn’t mean your brain is ready, it just means that you could probably engage in sexual activities, should you want to. When ready, this is when you can take the next step.
Two general ways of masturbation
In the broadest sense of the word, you can masturbate in two distinct ways.
1) Clitoral masturbation
2) Vaginal masturbation
Clitoral masturbation
Clitoral masturbation means rubbing your clit. It’s situated right at the top of your vagina, right at the point where your inner labia touch. It’s covered by a hood to make sure it won’t get excited all the time during the day, but when you get aroused, it grows and may even start to peek out. Your clitoris can be very sensitive, and if it’s too intense to touch directly, you can try keeping your panties on, use the hood, or just touch as lightly as possible.
For many girls, clitoral masturbation is the only way to reach an orgasm.
Vaginal masturbation
Vaginal masturbation resembles actual sex a little bit better. It means that you will actually stick something inside you. It can be a finger, a toy, a hoousehold object, anything. If you live in the Western world, vaginal masturbation has nothing to do with losing your virginity whatsoever. In some countries, however, you may want to think twice before deciding to try it.
Nobody knows for sure how many girls can reach orgasms through vaginal stimulation alone. I’m one of the lucky ones that can, and for me, vaginal orgasms are slightly more intense than clitoral ones. Keep in mine there’s nothing stopping you from combining the two: even though the one may not be able to give you an orgasm on itself, it may help the other one to reach one anyway.
How exactly does fingering work?
Read the second paragraph one more time 😉 There’s no proper way to do it, everybody is different. You may not like what I like at all, and the other way around. But there are a few things that you may want to keep in mind.
As far as clitoral stimulation goes, it’s a game of pressure. You may like the most gentle of touches, or you may love pushing your clit so deep into your pelvis you start wondering whether it’s still healthy. If it feels good, it probably won’t do you any harm. If it hurts, or feels annoying, you may want to change your strategy.
The same goes for vaginal stimulation, really. To some girls, half of a little pinky is enough to bring them the sensation they want; others may go for multiple fingers, or bigger toys. Just try as many different techniques as possible, pick the ones you like, and ditch the ones you don’t.
Hands vs. toys
Obviously, your hands are your eastest access to a sex toy. In fact, your fingers are very sensitive, too, so you can apply precisely the right amount of pressure or find that perfect angle. But there are a lot (a LOT) of devices that can help you out if your fingers won’t do the trick, or if they start to feel a little boring.
Dildos
Dildos are created for vaginal stimulation. Simply put: they resemble a guy’s penis, and our bodies are built to enjoy a guy’s penis, so we’ re bound to enjoy them too. They come in an infinite amount of sizes, shapes and fabrics, and it’s really hard to figure out whether you’ll like one before you’ve tried it.
Just a tip: start at the basics. Not too big (too small is okay, you can always scale up), not too flimsy, not too sturdy, not too smooth, not too rugged. Do you feel like it’s not going in deep enough? Get a longer one. Is it deep enough but does it feel too gentle? Get one with a less smooth surface. Try, try them all, and you may end like a pretty neat collection lurking in your socks drawer.
Vibrators
Vibrators are made specifically for clitoral stimulation. They don’t usually penetrate, they just buzz. And they buzz a lot faster than your finger can, that’s for sure. Some girls find it way too intense, some can’t reach an orgasm without one.
There are very cool and even wicked ones out there today. Some just buzz, some rotate, some pivot, some are loud, some are tiny, some as disguised as lipstick, there’s millions of them. Again: try, try, try, and stick with the ones you like most.
Other things
Some objects weren’t made to be a sex toy, but do a great job doubling as one. Let me start off by saying this: there’s nothing weird at wondering how a deodorant bottle would feel when it’s inside you. I’ve tried more things than I’m willing to admit right here and right now, and I’ve done okay for myself. Especially in the privacy of your own bedroom, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go for broke and get creative.
I do think, however, it’s important to mention the dangers. Sharp edges can give you nasty cuts in hard-to-reach places. Many metals and plastics aren’t safe to consume, whether it’s through your mouth or through other means. Stay far away from moving objects, don’t touch wood, and use a condom if you’re not sure whether it’s a good idea.
Having said that: some of my personal favorites are the toothbrush (the non-electrical one), the shampoo bottle (beware of the cap), and this strange, thick, empty pencil I got when I was a little girl. But really, nothing’s keeping you from getting creative.
Mix & Match
Every idea I’ve posted so far can either be used on its own, or together with another. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t do two or more at the same time, if you like the way they feel. Remember, this is YOUR party, and nobody in the world has the right to call it weird.
Also, make sure you don’t forget the sexual arousal paragraphs, even while you’re already super duper aroused. Your nipples will only be more sensitive while you’re masturbating, so make sure they get to play along. Keep touching yourself, and never forget your clitoris isn’t the only interesting part of your body when it comes to sex.
Positions
There are a lot (again, a LOT) of sex positions, and many of those are great for masturbation, too. You may feel tempted to start lying on your back, and that’s probably a smart thing if you’re still figuring out what you like, but if you want to change things up, you can try a lot of other positions, too.
Sitting on your hands and knees is amazing, you can fantasize about being taken from behind. Crossing your legs into a yoga pose is great too, as well as standing against a wall, or kicking your legs up, or laying flat on your belly. Anything goes, and the same rules apply: if you like it’s, it’s not weird, it’s simply amazing.
After the orgasm
When (if!) you have brought yourself to an orgasm, there’s basically three options.
Option 1: you go back to what you were doing before. Just quit, maybe take a shower if you feel like it, or go to sleep, or do anything that doesn’t really have anything to do with sex.
Option 2: you enjoy what you’ve just done. Think about it, play it back in your head, figure out the things you liked best and imagine ways you could improve on it the next time.
Option 3: you do it again. And again, if you want to, and again, and again, and AGAIN. I’ll let you in on a little secret: most guys are really disgusted by anything to do with sex when they’ve just had an orgasm, but girls can often keep going. If that’s you, don’t hesitate to do so. No reason to keep yourself to only one if you can have a lot more, is there?
Whichever option you prefer, is entirely up to you.